>> Wednesday, September 22, 2010
someone left me a message on my facebook account. ask me to show my picture. dont you understand, if i want to show you my pictures, i dont need you to ask me to show the picture, i'll show it by myself.
i know, i do, some of you maybe curios, why im hiding my identity. i do it with purpose, for sure. so, let me tell you why, so after this, you do not need to ask me why i did what i did.
as i opened my eyes on 23 march, i was grew up into a happy family, which is i proud to tell my friends they're my lovely family. but as someone said, happiness wont last longer, when i was 13, i discovered my dad was cheating behind my mum which leads me to tell my mum.
what shocking me more is, my mum told me that she already knew that few months before i tell her. since then, arguing being our part of life. for years, my mum asking for divorce but still my dad wont let her go, instead he just ignoring us. i still remember there's one day, as usual my dad shouting over my mum, i dont clearly remember what my mom said towards my dad till makes my dad feel angry and he almost slap my mum, but then he was stopped by me, i was holding his leg and begging him to stop it.
i know my mum cant hold it back much longer, i know how suffered she was, i can see it through her pretty sleepy eyes, so then she busying her self with working and hanging out with other guys. and my dad, i barely meet him, i dont know where he stay and what he did, and yes its tear me apart, coz i was close with my dad back years. since then i learned to keep all my great result by myself, to just keep quiet when i was having a high fever, to eat dinner alone and so on.
i feel like i was die then alive, die then alive continuously everyday. every second, i pray to Jesus to make me die so then no one knows my existence. but clearly jesus didnt make it come true.
im dealing with my heartache with taking drugs, be friends with wrong accompany, i know its brings me more harm to myself but i know who cares about me, i can do anything what i want. i still can remember the day before spm, i was in the club, dancing like mad and just went back home after 4am.
as a result i did not score well in my spm, and i planned to not pursuing my studies anymore. after spm, finally my dad filed a divorced and on 7 june, my parents officially divorced. i thought it was finally over, but then the other problems come out. since i am the only child, so both of them wants to taking care of me.they make me sick, i hate them so much, i even cursed on them so much.
when i turned 18, i went to taylor university to pursuing my studies, which i think its may be the bestest way for us. i stop taking drugs fortunately im not addicted, so i can do it by my own. i dont have much friends there, i often skipped my class till finally i drop out my college.
i am currently stay with my dad and helping him to run his company since my mum married with some new guy that i didnt even know and not interested to know who he is.
theres too many things happened in my life, and some if them i wouldnt and dont want to remember. i praised to God, i wasnt in the wrong paths for too long and he bring me back to the right path again, and i was so thankful, i wasnt the worst human being alive.
Hallelujah.
p/s : sometimes, i need to express myself in this blog. i feel comfortable to stay anon, so then i can write whatever i want to write. understand me, pls.
